Context Does the Oscars – Toronto Edition

21 February 2014,   By ,  

Well, it’s that time of year again – Oscars season! We’ve watched all the flicks, judged all the actors but really wasn’t the best action here in Toronto last year? Let’s take a look:

Best role of a leading jellyfish:

This was a tough one as there were many leading candidates and shifting landscapes, what with the water changing colours and all. Ultimately what it came down to was which one we liked best. It’s our award show and we’ll vote if we want to.  We’re proud to award this to … Frank (or Janice, we can’t remember) at Ripley’s Aquarium!

Best use of space:

Make no mistake that the skyline of Toronto is rapidly changing. We now have fully finished buildings in spaces once used to house parking lots and other not fun stuff.  That being said it’s our pleasure to announce that the winner of the best use of space is … Commander Chris Hadfield? Man what can’t that guy do. Oh, you meant SPAAAACE space. Our bad.

Best young-looking old guy:

You have to admit, Toronto has bred a ton of people who just seem impervious to age. Just look at Margaret Atwood. doesn’t look a day over 80. This time, Jian Ghomeshi takes the cake. Can you believe he’s almost 50? that’s just straight up nonsense. I hope we look that good when we turn 30 let alone almost 50. (runner up: George Stroumboulopoulos)

Best (Er, Worst) storm:

This is a bit of a strong take, but we’ve got to award it to the ice storm. While the flood really brought it in terms of people being stuck in a flooding Don River with snakes, being out of power at Christmas is just stone cold  (no pun intended!)

Meals on Wheels award:

What? We really like food trucks. This one goes to Caplansky’s food truck because deep fried pickles, that’s why.

Best restaurant revival:

Steak Queen. Who would have thought that a 24 hour food joint in a remote part of town just needed a jolly, inebriated white man with a poor Jamaican accent to grow the business. Take note, marketing department.

Best disease:

Cronut burger-itis. Hey, we survived it, did you?

Biggest embarrassment:

Ragging on a certain pop star from the area is almost too easy these days. So on that note, we’re going to give this one to the Jon Bon Jovi banner in the ACC. Gilmour, Clark, Sundin, Keon, Bon Jovi (one of these things is not like the other…).

Best Reporter:

Robyn Doolittle is one of only 3 people who originally saw the cell phone video of the Mayor partaking in some…interesting extracurricular activities. It’s a rare club to be in, but writing a book about the whole ordeal? That’s just awesome.


Did we miss any? Let us know below!